Advise Without Hurting

Advice, it is sometimes difficult for us to do. Because it is not necessarily the person we devised will receive the proposal and our words. Then needed a certain way so that people we devised would listen and implement advice. Even the advice given by the parents, close relatives, friends, neighbors, and even people outside Islam.

Guidance that softens the hard hearted, patient's heart when calamities, soothes anger, weaves a long rope apart, brings together the principles of jurisprudence so that go hand in hand in a way that haq towards mustaqiim shiraathal. Certainly a lot of people that we want the good of affluent him. The virtue always decorate yourself so that give birth to generations of Rabbani who has been sticking on the Qur'aan and Sunnah according the understanding of salafush Salih as expected Prophet shallallaahu ' alaihi wa sallam, since hundreds of centuries ago to the present, until later came the day the reckoning while the charity is no longer calculated and scratched ink in notes.

Who thinks Fudhail bin Iyadh Al we know as a slave Salih and an example for the people, was a robber streets that many people feared. And he tap his heart and get guidance when heard the conversation of two merchants who are afraid of him.

Can't do with Salman the Pharisees? Formerly he was a Majus then he get guidance when viewed Muslims who were praying in the Church. And many of the Muslims at the time of the Prophet who flocked to Islam not as glorious Da'wah.

Therefore, let's see how the Prophet shallallaahu ' alaihi wa sallam with the men Salih in the past teaches us how to etiquette when giving advice so that opening the doors of guidance for someone.

 

When someone wants to give advice should take notice because the very etiquette of etiquette define acceptable or whether the advice. Some etiquette to note are:

1. Expect pleasure of Allah Ta'ala

A man who like to advise solely on his advice should aim solely to gain the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala. Because only this is he entitled to recompense and reward from Allah Ta'ala in addition entitled to accepted his advice. Rasulullaah shallallaahu alaihi wa sallam said,

إِنَّمَا الْأَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّةِ وَلِكُلِّ امْرِئٍ مَا نَوَى فَمَنْ كَانَتْ هِجْرَتُهُ إِلَى اللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ فَهِجْرَتُهُ إِلَى اللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ وَمَنْ كَانَتْ هِجْرَتُهُ لدُنْيَا يُصِيبُهَا أَوِ امْرَأَةٍ يَتَزَوَّجُهَا فَهِجْرَتُهُ إِلَى مَا هَاجَرَ إِلَيْهِ

That is, "any charity that relies on speculation and indeed every person is only going to get fit with what intention. Whoever his Hijra to Allah and his Messenger then his Hijra (votes) to Allah and his Messenger, and whoever his Hijra because the world has reached or because the woman he married, then (the fact) that is simply his Hijra to what became the goal of his Hijra. " (Narrated by Al-bukhaari and Muslim)

2. Not in order to humiliate the people who advised

Someone who wanted to give advice should try not to embarrass people who want to advance. This is a disaster that is common in most people, when she gives advice with rude tone. This way can bear bad or aggravating circumstances. And advice not fruitful as hoped.

3. Advising in secret

Advice delivered with outright when it was about to advise people like when delivering lectures. But sometimes the advice should be presented in secret to someone that needs refinement over the gaffe. And generally one can only accept it when she was alone and good moods. That's the moment to advise in secret, not in public. As good as any advice someone but if delivered in inappropriate places and in a mood that was angry then the advice just like smoke billowing and immediately disappeared without traces.

Al Haafiz Ibn Rajab said: "when the salaf were about to give advice to someone, then they advised in secret ... Whoever advised his brother tandem only then that's advice. And whosoever advised in front of the crowd then she embarrass. " (Jami ' Al ' Ulum wa Al Hikam, page 77)

Abu Muhammad Ibn Hazm Az Zhahiri said, "If you want to secretly convey the advises not overtly and with innuendo rather than outright. Exception if the language of the satire is not understood by those who devised, then you be clear! " (Al Akhlaq wa Usa Siyar, p. 44)

4. Consult with the gentle, respectful, and compassionate

Someone who wanted to give advice must be gentle, sensitive, and civilized in delivering advice. Indeed receive advice that like opening the door. The door will not open unless opened with right keywords. Someone who wants to advance is an owner of a heart that is being locked out of a matter, if the things that God commanded then he didn't execute it or if the matter including the prohibition of God then he break them.

Therefore, the key must be found to open the closed hearts. There is no key to a better and more appropriate unless the advice delivered in a gentle, articulated with the civilized, and with a speech full of compassion. How not, whereas the Prophet shallallaahu ' alaihi wa sallam said,

إِنَّ الرِّفْقَ لاَ يَكُونُ فِى شَىْءٍ إِلاَّ زَانَهُ وَلاَ يُنْزَعُ مِنْ شَىْءٍ إِلاَّ شَانَهُ

That is to say, "every tenderness of attitude on something, definitely going to decorate it. And he is not deprived of anything, except will worsen. (Narrated By Muslim)

Pharaoh is the figure of the most cruel and hard in the days of Moses yet God still commanded Moses and Aaron, so the Prophet advised with meek. Allaah says,

فَقُولا لَهُ قَوْلا لَيِّنًا

That is to say, "then you're both him (Pharaoh) with the words the meek." (QS. ATH Thaha: 44)

My sister ... and Lo and behold when advice was leveled with the hard and rough then it will be a lot of closed doors. A lot of people who were given the advice thus closed door guidance. Many relatives and friends whose hearts away. Much of the reward is wasted. And of course a lot of the help given to Satan to destroy the brotherhood.

 

5. Not to impose the will of

One of the obligations of a believer was advised his brother when doing evil. But he is not obliged to force them to follow his advice. Because, it is not a part of it. A giver of advice is simply someone who shows the way, not someone who ordered others to do it. Ibn Hazm Az Zhahiri says: "you shall not give advice by requiring your advice should be accepted. If you violate this limit, then you are a zhalim ... " (Al Akhlaq wa Usa Siyar, p. 44)

6. Look for the right time

Not every man will advance only when it is ready to accept a tip. Sometimes his soul being restless, angry, sad, or anything else that makes it rejected the advice. Ibn mas'ood never speak: "sometimes hearts eager and receptive, and occasionally lethargic heart and easy to resist. Then invite your heart when she's excited and receptive and leave when he is lazy and easily refuse. " (Al Adab Al Syar'iyyah, Ibn Muflih)

If a person turns out could not be advised properly then it is advisable to still and it is better because it will keep more of the words that will make things worse and he could ask his friend so please advise the person intended. As the words of the Prophet shallallaahu ' alaihi wa sallam,

مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا، أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ

That is to say, "whoever who believe in Allah and the last day should say good or silent ..." (narrated by Bukhari and Muslim)

Shaykh Muhammad Ibn Saalih Ibn ' Uthaymeen in Al Syarhu Al Arba'in An Nawawi gives some avail of the snippet above Hadith i.e. mandatory silent except in the goodness and the oral argument to keep.

Never despair to invoke God's help because in fact Allaah the Almighty am time, one's heart. Although as hard as any one's heart but nothing is impossible if God wanted to soften her heart and show his way. Wallaahu Musta'an.

"If you want the goodness on your brother

Then invite your she goes hand in

And hand in hand towards his way

Said well

Give a smile when he does not care about

Please wait for ... Be patient ... until that door is open

Don't you forced ... and nor you angry

Because the advice it will turn into a sharp knife

That just makes scratches in the liver

And will make running

Don't you forced ... and nor you angry

The real guidance is in the hands of the Lord

The am time of heart "

* Thanks to Mustikaningrum Lilis